Vegas Tops Sex Trafficking List

State Dept. Report: Vegas Human, Sex Trafficking Highest In U.S.

• Video: New Group Fights Sex Trafficking

LAS VEGAS -- Results from a two-year investigation by the U.S. State Department show Las Vegas as the epicenter of North American prostitution and human trafficking. As one victim of these crimes comes forward, police intend to use the information to combat the sale of women and children for sex.

"My blood was spilled on a damp, cold floor," Chong Kim, a former prostitute, said. "They bruised my body and made me their whore.

"Kim said she was forced into prostitution during the mid-'90s.

"It was a one room cell," Kim said, "and each of the woman and children were categorized where they were going to be shipped."

She is currently a criminology major at University of Nevada, Las, Vegas. She said that when she was 19, her then-boyfriend tricked her into prostitution.

"He said he wanted me to visit his family in a different state," she said. "That's how I got sent to a different state.

"Kim said her imprisonment and forced prostitution lasted for three years. She is now an advocate to help other victims of prostitution and human trafficking in the Valley. She is now joining efforts with a local panel to help stop these crimes against women and children.

"This ain't no Richard Gere running out there," said Brenda Powell, another advocate against forced prostitution. "(They are not) trying to pick up nobody and take them all away.

"Panel members hope the formation of an organization to combat these crimes -- called the Nevada Coalition Against Sex Trafficking -- will help target these type of criminals and get them put behind bars.

According to the research, the sex industry generates between $1 billion and $6 billion a year in Las Vegas.

Copyright 2006 by KVVU.com

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Abuse Survivor's Series: 

 
Using Overreactions to Begin Healing
Our Childhood Wounds

By: Stephanie Gagos

As an abused child I frequently detached as a way of coping with what was happening to me and even though most of my memories were devoid of emotion, it did not mean I was not experiencing emotion. My mother’s unpredictable violence forced me to suppress whatever internal turmoil I was feeling in order to survive.  This pattern of suppression and detachment became natural reactions to crisis and anything that caused me any emotional pain throughout my adult life.

After years of habitual suppression, any emotions related to the physical and sexual abuse in my childhood were very difficult to access or control.  They were either elusive, hiding when they were appropriate to express or screeching out when I least wanted them to.  For example, at my father’s funeral, I stood stoically over his grave and suppressed my emotions over the loss of the only real parent I’d ever had.  When faced with betrayal in my marriage, I carried on in life as if nothing happened; suppressing the deep hurt and heartbreak that threatened to consume me. In therapy when I described the abuse in my childhood there was not a tear shed in the telling.  It was if an internal separation automatically occurred whenever anything in my life was too painful. I was conditioned to NOT feel.

While I didn’t seem to have access to these feelings, I often reacted quite strongly to what may seem minor or insignificant to others.  Feelings of betrayal, distrust, an impending sense of doom, fear, anger and an overwhelming sadness were triggered by often benign situations.  It was not uncommon for me to sob while watching a scene in a movie which seemed to have little or no effect on anyone else around me (I did this during a scene in The Other Sister when Diane Keaton’s character watches her heartbroken daughter kick tennis balls in the rain and goes to her) or to become outraged over someone not saying thank you after holding a door open for them.  Things like my stepdaughter not giving us her rent check on time; someone cutting me off in line, an ill perceived close call in the car could trigger a reaction that was often disproportionate to the situation.  And while I kept my outrage rather private by never really publicly going off the handle, even in my private moments of venting to a loved one or quietly sobbing in a movie theater, I always felt slightly less sane and out of control as if my sanity was somehow slipping.

My husband and daughter endured years of these “venting merry go rounds” and met my rising vehemence with stares that implied I had morphed into an alien right before their very eyes.  I, on the other hand, looked at everyone else as if they were the alien beings who just didn’t understand how things should work around here.  I figured anyone would get upset in any of these circumstances and yet there was a part of me that said, “Hmmm, just not this upset, Stephanie”. I must admit that no matter how perplexed they were at my intensity, I couldn’t stop.  In fact I didn’t want to stop.  I was experiencing what I couldn’t experience as a child and in that moment it felt good to feel bad because for once it was my choice.  The power in that was at first liberating.  I could rant and rave, fume, yell and get myself all worked up in ways I was never allowed to as a child.  Even a hint of anger was met with intimidation and violence while growing up.  This was my time, my chance to exert some power and control over my life.  

The problem was that I often felt crappy, embarrassed and guilty afterward, especially when I would attribute qualities such as maliciousness to the offending party.  Something as simple as one of my girls repeatedly not doing the dishes was often perceived by me as an act that was done purposely to me.  Each slight or perceived disregard was like a dagger into an already existing wound, stirring up the fear and distrust that were already there.  Understanding this connection between my past and present is what inspired me to use these times to heal. I already had access to the emotions I thought were buried and I didn’t know it. They were there in my conflicts with loved ones, in my interactions with acquaintances or friends, even in my difficulties as a teacher.  All there to show me what I needed to heal.

Once I became aware of what was going on, I started to pay more attention during these times of strong emotional reactions.  I became more aware of myself even in the midst of anger, watching as if I was on the outside looking in.  This brief dissociation was useful in giving me the step back I needed to really see myself in a state of heightened emotional intensity and then evaluate how much of it was “justified” and how much of it was coming from a wounded place. I discovered that most of my reactions were coming from this place and I started to dig deeper by taking the time out to ask and record answers to some key questions. 

What is really bothering me about this? 

How does this make me feel right now? (Disregarded and insignificant were very common)

How does this relate to my past?  When did I feel like this as a child? What happened?  What did I need as a child and did not receive?

What is different about today? How can I give myself what I needed then and what I still need today?

I did this either in midst of a strong emotional reaction or directly afterward when I was still upset so that I could catch the emotion and not run from it.  Once you are no longer upset it is easy to get in your head, intellectualize, minimize or rationalize which moves you away from the emotion. Usually the answers to these questions would pour out on the page in the form of ramblings and eventually led me to a childhood memory in which I was made to feel the same way I was feeling now.  I allowed the emotion to surface, to extend from that which I was already feeling.  I allowed myself to feel it and grieve for whatever it was I deserved as a child and did not receive.  Depending on where you are at in your healing process, this can either be just an extension of what you are already working on in therapy or it can be overwhelming if this is the first time you are dealing with these emotions. Either way you should have a support system in place to help you with whatever comes up.

Asking the last few questions allows me to reclaim my power and bring me into a new reality, one in which I am no longer a victim and can have control over the path of my life.  By putting me back in driver’s seat I can focus on giving myself the gifts of love, encouragement, validation and respect I was not given as a child.  This I believe is a big part of the journey in this life, learning how to fill ourselves up on our own and letting the love we deserve in and knowing we can.  Today I am getting more comfortable with feeling my emotions, knowing that there is wisdom in the heartache and an opportunity to know myself and understand where I’ve been and where I am going.  I am grateful that I no longer feel powerless when I am triggered and that I can use those times to heal my life.  This allows me to grow beyond what my childhood told me was possible and grow into who I truly am.

Copyright © 2007,  Stephanie Gagos

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Self Esteem:

A Necessary Component of Survival

By: Stephanie Gagos

From the moment we are born we learn to see ourselves through the eyes of our caregivers. If they look at us with unloving eyes, we will most likely grow to see ourselves as unlovable; if they see us as bad, rotten no good children, we will believe this is so. If their actions toward us are violations through - verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse - we will believe that we are at fault and deserving of such treatment. We will believe, at first, that there is something wrong with us -some flaw or damage on our part that makes them angry and provokes them to treat us in these ways. As children, we cannot comprehend that it could possibly be their fault, because we love them and depend on them for survival. We are also taught that adults know best and in our eyes they become omnipotent, leaving us with feelings of shame and inadequacy.

This distorted sense of self becomes all that we know. As we grow older we continue to reinforce these beliefs formed in childhood. We continue the abuse by abusing ourselves and/or allowing others to abuse us. Often, it does not matter if, intellectually, we understand that our abusers were wrong and that we were the victims; the damage is often so deep, the beliefs of unworthiness so engrained, that a massive effort is required to actively create and reinforce new beliefs. Aligning ourselves with people who love us and see us for who we really are will help, but without changing how we SEE and FEEL about ourselves, we will continue to feel empty and find that no matter what we have, something is always missing.

WE are what is missing.

What makes it so difficult, is that we have spent years brainwashed into believing that we are bad, unworthy, undeserving, and not good enough. As adults we spend even more years, living from that wounded place, actively affirming these false beliefs through negative self-talk and behaviors. We interpret everything around us as an affirmation of what we feel about ourselves, not realizing that the world is merely reflecting back to us how we FEEL and what we BELIEVE. It will be extremely difficult for us to have wonderful, loving, and amazing experiences if inside we feel rotten, damaged and inadequate. We have to BE what we want on the outside. For example if we want love, we have to feel love for ourselves or the match love we seek will never come. We may find someone who cares about us but it will never be enough, there will always be that empty pit that our partner will eventually get tired of trying to fill. We are the only ones who can do it. What a challenge when we’ve never been filled up before and are not aware of what it even feels like!

This is part of what makes childhood abuse so devastating. It occurs during that time when our self esteem is supposed to be nurtured and encouraged. Instead, it never has a chance to even begin to develop. In a way, the early messages we receive from abuse are even worse than being brainwashed as an adult because we have no memory of who we were before. It feels as if we are starting from scratch, creating a sense of self that we were not aware existed before because we have no memory of the power of our inner being.

This true self still exists inside each of us even though our trauma has virtually buried its existence. It has many names from Inner Being to Higher Self. It is important that you not only believe in its existence, but become adept at distinguishing between the voice of your abused self vs. the voice of your true self. This part of you remained untainted by the abuse and knows your worth. It knows how precious and valuable you are. It is acutely aware of your strength and abilities and it does not need validation from the world. This part of us emerges at times but we need to peel back the layers of false belief, misconception, self hatred, ignorance and pain to become more fully aware of this self – to truly become him/her.

This transformation takes time and effort but worth it because on the other side we can reach our fullest potential. Here are some of the changes we will need to make in order to create a new pair of eyes, a new perspective and put an end to old and destructive ways of thinking and being.

Become aware of beliefs we have about ourselves. (I’m no good, I’m not good enough, I’m not deserving, something is wrong with me etc.)

Create new beliefs and repeat them to ourselves, even if at first they fit us like a scratchy sweater or a too tight pair of jeans. Eventually they will fit and feel good. Ask yourself, what do I need to believe about myself to feel good?

End the familiar negative ways we berate ourselves daily. It will be like training ourselves for a marathon, getting our minds in tip-top shape, preparing ourselves for this marathon of life so that we can attract the success (happiness) we desire and deserve. We would never fill ourselves up with junk on the night before a big run, would we? And so it is with the marathon of life.

Ignore our discomfort at tooting our own horn, reveling in the beauty of our very existence. Practice saying something nice about yourself to people you love. Be aware that people may feel uncomfortable by it as well, since they are not used to it. Ignore their reaction. If this is too difficult, try writing compliments to yourself.

Act as if we do love ourselves so that eventually we will. What does a person who loves themselves look like? How do they behave? Walk? Dress? Speak? Act as if.

Push ourselves into situations and experiences that are frightening but good for us. I went up against my boss on principle, even though I was terrified. I grew in so many ways from standing up for myself.

Stop and look at all we have done in our lives, all the wonderful qualities that exist within us and begin to celebrate and strengthen them. List your accomplishments daily or weekly or by the first of the month. What are you good at? What are often complimented on? What do you see in others that you wish you had? Look for times you have possessed these qualities. Debbie Ford, author of Secret of the Shadow, says, that when we admire others we are “giving our light away” What you admire in others, you also possess.

Begin to understand the divine value and purpose we hold on this earth. A sense of purpose in the world is so important to your self esteem. Also it does not have to be one purpose. You are here for many reasons. You can discover your passions by paying attention to what brings you joy, what makes your face light up when you talk about it. Follow that.

Work through our childhood wounds. Therapy, support groups, writing, art, mind-body work. Whatever it takes. You may not like it, but your healing is part of why you are here.

Fill our heads with inspiring messages that speak to the truth of who we are. Spend time daily filling yourself up with positive messages from audios, inspirational radio shows (Hay House Radio on the internet) and read books that inspire you.

Avoid people who trigger you and cause you to revert back to negative self-talk. Surround yourself with people you feel good around. If you don’t have any, start visualizing yourself surrounded by wonderful, loving, trustworthy people. Visualize them daily and how it would FEEL to have that. They will appear in time.

Learn to laugh at yourself. We are all funny in our own way. Laugh at your idiosyncrasies, don’t take everything to heart.

Practice appreciation for all that we have and all that we are in this moment so that we may attract more of it unto us. Appreciate your body and how well it works (focus on what works well), appreciate your strength, resilience, your empathy and compassion, appreciate all the good in your life (food to eat, your pet, clothes, your home, money for basic needs, friends, good influences in your life).

Accept even the parts we don’t like, our shadow parts, knowing that even they have served us well in some way. Stop resisting part you don’t like about yourself. What you resist persists. The more critical you are of yourself, the more these unwanted qualities will come up. Remember you are not only human, but a human who has suffered trauma. Be gentle and forgiving.

Find a balance between accepting yourself as you are and striving to become your highest self. Without balance you will always feel inadequate, like you are reaching for the unattainable.

Forgive ourselves for the choices we’ve made, for how crazy and out of control we feel at times, for the times we hurt others, for the deceptions we believed and for all that we hold on to as weapons against ourselves. Learn how to love the person you are today, flaws and all, as well as love who we are underneath our self destructive patterns.

In time, and with greater awareness, we can grow to love ourselves and find compassion for how we chose to respond even in our lowest of times. In time, treating ourselves badly or allowing others to hurt or disrespect us will feel wrong to us. It will feel so uncomfortable that we will know we can never go back. We will arrive at a point in which our self esteem cannot be swayed by outside factors. The way we look at ourselves in the mirror will change. The way we walk, the way we speak, the way we think, the way we interact with others and most of all the way we FEEL will change. We will understand how valuable and powerful we truly are and we will begin to use that knowledge to change our world.

Copyright © 2007,  Stephanie Gagos

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Putting her life back together

Eshanya Walls is concerned about the accuracy of the state sex and violent offenders registry. Her son was the victim of sexual abuse several years ago. Tribune Photo/JIM RIDER

Ever since the man who molested her child was released from prison last year, Eshanya Walls has had concerns about the accuracy of the Indiana sex and violent offenders registry.

The South Bend resident and mother of three said she searched for his name in the registry three months after he was freed and didn't find it.

The registry, maintained by the Indiana Sheriffs' Association, is accessible online and contains files with the names, addresses and other personal information, charges and photos of convicted sex and violent offenders in the state.

Walls, who then lived in Howard County, knew the man's whereabouts. He was the son of a baby-sitter she once hired.

But the missing file raised an important question.

"If his name is not on there," she asked, "how many are missing?"

Two months later, Walls again did not find his name in the state registry. She said other names she found in county registries also were missing from the state registry.

So she called the Indiana Sheriffs' Association for some answers.

Mike Eslinger, the ISA's executive director, explained in a phone interview recently that the state registry is regularly updated with files from Indiana sheriffs and said inaccuracies in the registry may result from "a computer glitch somewhere along the line."

He added he did not know of any such inaccuracies.

Eslinger said a new state registry approved last month will be compiled differently. Rather than have sheriffs send the files, he explained, the new registry will be updated directly on the Web.

The new Indiana sex and violent offenders registry will be launched in January, he said.

Walls said she thinks the new registry is a step in the right direction, although more needs to be done.

"I think it's an excellent idea, but I don't think it'll bring the stats down," she said.

Based on data from the Bureau of Justice Statistics of the U.S. Department of Justice, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, a nonprofit organization, estimates that every two-and-a-half minutes, somewhere in the United States, someone is sexually assaulted.

Walls' son, whose identity she asked not be released because of the sensitive nature of the subject, was sexually molested when he was 6.

"He was scared to tell me for four years," she said.

When he told his mother two years ago, at age 11, she was overwhelmed.

"It set me over the limit," said Walls, who was already suffering from depression. "I got really sick from it."

His molester was the teenage son of a woman Walls had paid to watch over her children.

Walls said her son now suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, a consequence of his abuse, she was told by a psychologist. The seventh-grader sees a school counselor every day and meets for group counseling two hours a week.

"It's unbelievable," Walls said of the harm "just that one person" caused to her family.

Walls said an accurate state registry is a necessary tool.

Eslinger said the new registry will help keep the public better informed of the whereabouts of sex offenders.

"There'll be a mapping part of it," he explained, "where you can click on the area where you live." A map of your neighborhood will show where sex and violent offenders live.

Also, offenders will be required to register before they leave prison, Eslinger said, rather than seven days later.

But Walls said more drastic measures are required. She is trying to form a nonprofit organization to raise money for Global Positioning System tracking devices, which she hopes sex offenders will someday be required to wear.

The GPS system is a satellite navigating system that uses miniaturized receivers to find the position of an object. Today they are used in cars, boats and planes, among other things.

Walls also said she is trying to form a support group for families who are in a similar situation.

"I want to take a negative thing that happened and turn it into a positive thing so I can reach out to other parents," she said.

Staff writer Pablo Ros:

pros@sbtinfo.com

(574) 235-6555

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